Thursday Night Thoughts

Cemented is what it feels like. Thoughts are stuck in the past. Battered from long ago pointless affairs. But this one.

Damn.

This one.

I never quite understood what we had. But it was something. No, not off a fairytale book. More than just an affair and I was prepared on spending the rest of my foolish life with him. He was somethin’.

My mind can distinguish what I must do but my heart cannot understand. Naive me.

This Thick-headed life never misses out pointing each and every diminutive detail that will cause me to think about him.

“Try”, they whispered.

How can I. I “tried” and yet I hear myself comparing. He had something he didn’t.

See. I tried.

Dungeon is what it looks like. A chain of anguish wrapped around your body, slowly closing in until it crushes your bones and leaves you in the dark and cold ground.

Irrelevant. But it sounded damn good. Haha

I find myself thinking what my existence on this planet would be like nowadays if he was still around. Words are running through my head. His words though. Pleasing. It plays in my head what he would’ve said if I had done this or that.

I refuse to be mistaken. His non-existence does not force me to weep every dawn. I only miss our overjoyed days. I refuse to become a meaningless acquaintance either. Stripping every moment and laying me down like I am a nobody. He knows that.

And yet everyday I close my eyes. Daydreaming. Wishing. That we ascended to the top of that mountain. Challenges unfortunately we did not overcome.

But not a sunlight drives by without me thinking of him.